302 Leadership Best Practice 2 : Serve Heartily

The Servant Leader sees himself called first as a servant, seeking not only to treat each follower with dignity as a person, but also to serve each beneficially while building a community of participation and solidarity. His motivation is to create value for the group of which he is a member; this is the extreme opposite of a leader who seeks first his own power and wealth.

Legitimate Power

There is a common belief "that only those at the top of the hierarchy can create change". This statement is not just disempowering, it is plain wrong. The most important change in an organization's processes come from the leadership of line managers, internal networkers, and others with far less positional authority. Whenever significant change processes have been sustained, it has been a result of distributed leadership due to the work of large numbers of people, not just isolated individuals. "The capacity for servant leadership must be distributed throughout an organization; we need to increase the number of servant leaders everywhere". Genuine Servant Leadership (a Robert Greenleaf concept book) is deeply personal and inherently collective - - it is the capacity of a human community to shape its future.

Many individuals make it to the top of an organization because of political acumen and a certain amount of serendipity - - very often it has little to do with true leadership ability. Rank and position does not mean leadership is present.

Let us define two types of power:

  • formal authority or positional power
  • moral authority or conscience driven pursuit of principles and truth

The latter type of leadership results from living by universal values and the self-evident, moral law within us. Within all cultures is an innate sense of fairness and justice, along with the expectation of honesty, respect, and mutual contribution. The apostle Paul said our Creator made even those with no religion "who do not have God's written law, instinctively follow what the law says; they show that in their hearts they know right from wrong." (Roman 2: 14, New Living Translation). Immanuel Kant said, "I'm constantly amazed by two things: the starry heavens above and the moral law within". Our power and freedom to choose is our natural authority. Moral authority is different because we choose to follow our principles and beliefs in response to our heart and passion.

Positional authority takes away choice and freedom over those we govern. The more we use our formal authority, or the power of our position, the more our moral authority will be lessened. Understanding this universal axiom is the key to understanding leadership. Leadership is not about power. Leadership is about what happens between the leader and the led. We follow leaders willingly; we comply with power. Compliance is heartless but following is an active choice.

Management guru Jim Collins says the CEOs of Good to Great companies exhibit a unique blend of personal humility and fierce passionate will in support of their company and their people. These characteristics result from their personal subordination to the good of the organization and the community that comprises it. These leaders demonstrate an unwavering resolve to do whatever must be done to produce the best long-term results, no matter how difficult.

They set the standard, building an enduring effective organization and are unwilling to settle for anything less than continuous impact. They take responsibility but never blame, acting with quiet, determination to motivate all that surround them. They channel their personal ambition into the greater success of their chosen community, now and in its next generation of participants. These leaders do not waste their energy on ego, and eventually succeed in producing, if not humility, at least the redirection of everyone's energy onto the greater good of their organization.

To become effective leaders we must see ourselves as servants first and have an awareness of the around. That awareness leads to a sensitivity and empathy for followers. We respond to a problem by listening, which builds strength in other people. We lead automatically and articulate the goal-giving confidence to those around us. We can and do accept "unlimited liability" in caring for our chosen community. But in doing so, we carefully maintain both a real-world and a big picture perspective. We can tempt through persuasion - - those who will hear us into a leap of imagination that connects the concept of change to their own experience. The best test of our leadership is whether those whom we serve grow as people to become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, and become servants and leaders themselves.

The very top people of truly great organizations are Servant Leaders. These top organizational leaders are "the most teachable, the most respectful, the most caring, and the most determined". Such individuals refuse to use their formal authority and positional power except as a last resort. Their moral authority becomes increasingly powerful as it becomes obvious to the led that they have subordinated their ego and positional power while instead use reasoning, persuasion, kindness, empathy, and most importantly, trustworthiness. As they exercise their moral power hope and optimism increases. In fact, giving and increasing hope is the leader's moral imperative. Hope is the first step to any healing - - any solution.

When we use formal authority, we borrow strength. We build weakness in

  • our self because we are not developing moral power
  • those we direct because others they depend on us - - they develop a codependency
  • our mutual relationship because of authentic openness and trust is not developed

Moral authority is more than calling on our developed nature to exercise the principles we believe in. Knowledge of right and wrong of itself is insufficient - - understanding is not character and comprehension is not action. Moral authority has three components:

  • the universal principles of our conscience
  • the honorable nature within our heart
  • sacrifice

Sacrifice is what enables us to act and behave in alignment with what we know is right, and good, and true. Our power comes from our sacrifice. Humility, or counting others more worthy than ourselves, is the foundation upon which sacrifice can be made.

Moral authority developed through sacrifice has four basic elements which can be expressed through our caring nature:

  • physical or economic sacrifice conveyed through our temperance and giving back
  • emotional or social sacrifice - - in lowering our self to the value and uniqueness of another human - - to either apologize or to forgive
  • mental sacrifice in pursuing learning above pleasure as we realize that true freedom comes from our own self-discipline
  • spiritual sacrifice in living humbly and also courageously in order to live and serve wisely

"Power and moral supremacy emerge from humility, where the greatest becomes the servant of all". Moral dominion is found through servant-hood, service and contribution as we gain influence through following principles. Moral authority is achieved through sacrifice.

Robert Greenleaf, author of Servant Leadership, wrote:

A new moral principle is emerging which holds that the only authority deserving one's allegiance is that which is freely and knowingly granted by the led to the leader in response to, and in proportion to, the clearly evident servant stature of the leader. Those who choose to follow this principle will not casually accept the authority of existing institutions. Rather, they will freely respond only to individuals who are chosen as leaders because they're proven and trusted as servants.

Conscience is the still, small voice within. Conscience is quiet and peaceful. The enemy of conscience is ego which is selfishly ambitious. Ego is the way of get - - not give. Ego is focused on survival, pleasure, and an exclusiveness that lacks social awareness. Relationships are seen in terms of "threat" or "no threat". Ego is threatened by negative feedback punishing and banishing the messenger. All data is interpreted in terms of self-preservation; information is constantly censored and reality denied. Since ego is myopic, it interprets all of life through its own agenda. Ultimately ego is tyrannical, despotic, and dictatorial.

Conscience liberates the ego in democratizing and elevating our thoughts and awareness to a larger sense of group, community, and the greater good to see the whole. In valuing feedback conscience attempts to discern whatever truth it contains. Because conscience is not afraid of information, it can accurately interpret what is happening. Conscience is open in active awareness from every direction - - it actively seeks to understand reality. With conscience comes discernment. Of itself, ego is blunt with no sense of degree or subtly. Conscience discerns life on a continuum and is capable of complex adaptation. Ego is compulsive; by contrast conscience develops self-control needing no governance from above or from outside.

Moral authority or conscience has four dimensions.

  • The essence of moral power is sacrifice - - as we subordinate our self or our ego to a higher purpose. Sacrifice can be made through body, mind, heart, or spirit. In our body we make physical or economic sacrifice. With our mind, we cultivate an open inquisitiveness while purging ourselves of prejudice. Through our heart we show deep respect and love. Our nobler spirit leads us to subordinate our will to a higher will for the greater good.
  • Our conscience inspires us to seek a cause worthy of our commitment. Our moral development progresses as we change our chief question from asking "what is it that I want" to "what is being asked of me". Such growth usually comes through our suffering which leads us to genuine empathy and later compassion. Through empathy we can finally see others, and in that, also see ourselves within our community. Our identity changes.
  • Conscience teaches us that ends and means are inseparable. Ends preexist in the means - - means used to accomplish the ends are as important as those ends. Honesty, promise, and commitment cannot be found in duplicitous deceit and insincerity. If we deceive ourselves to use immoral means to justify our ends, the unintended consequences of those means will eventually destroy the ends we seek.
  • Conscience introduces us into the world of relationships. Passion is transformed into compassion. Our vision and values become shared. Discipline and order become necessary in our growing social reality.

Positional Power

"Power transforms individual interests into coordinated activities to accomplish valuable ends". The most common way to get things done in the business world is through positional or hierarchal authority. However, there are three problems with using hierarchal authority:

  • It is apparently and badly out of fashion - - employees often like children do not do something simply on the basis that the parents said so
  • Authoritarians need the cooperation of others who do not fall within the direct chain of command - - the scope of authorized power is quite limited in most organizations falling vertically but not laterally
  • The manager at the apex of an authority pyramid is all too often incorrect or wrong in his/her judgment, planning, or action.

Managing with power means understanding to get things done, you need power - - more power than those whose opposition you must overcome - - thus it is imperative to understand where power comes from and how the sources of power can be developed.

Gaining a sense of personal power helps leaders to be "centered". We need to understand power, be willing to do things to build our sources of power, and work to obtain it. Success is founded upon the ability to get those who are diverse from us, and whom we may not personally like, to do what needs to be done. This includes understanding the strategies and tactics through which power is developed and used in organizations.

Power comes from the use of structure, the importance of timing, interpersonal influence, and the social psychology of commitment. Know-how and other forms of knowledge without power are of remarkably little use. More importantly, power without the skill to employ it effectively, is likely to be wasted, or worse, used counterproductively.

Executives need political skill and savvy to accompany their vigorous use of power to do great and wonderful things; courage is required to use power because too often the mission is a mistake. Mistakes are inevitable but more profitable than doing nothing. The responsibility of position requires the overcoming of misjudgment to move toward success. Few executives have the ability or determination to personally engineer the outcome of their corporate mission. This is in large part because so few are willing to develop and wield power and influence, for all its good or bad.

These days power is conspicuous by its absence. Powerlessness in the face of crisis.... Powerlessness in the face of complexity.... Power has been sabotaged.... institutions have been rigid, slothful, or mercurial.

Positional power is not an owned entity but rather it emerges through interaction with people. In other words, power is not an object but instead must be understood as relationally defined and developed. Power is given from one individual to another as a choice or as a failure to choose.

Personal Power

Power is also perceptual. People often have power and do not know it. Accepting power is a choice and achieving more power is an act of will. Some refuse power for fear of becoming corrupted not realizing that powerlessness is just as corrupting: "It is powerlessness that often creates ineffective, desultory management and petty, dictatorial, rules-minded managerial styles".

Power is gained from communication in verbal and nonverbal symbols as well as behaviors that convey power. Power also comes from managing access to critical people. Power increases as respect is achieved - - authoritative power alone renders compliance but not inspired energy and action. Respect is reciprocal and comes to those who care about and listen to other people in respectful ways.

Power is also generated from being effective in and relevant to organizational goals and missions. Relevance includes having key skills and education, a growing understanding, and the ability to advise upwards in the organization. The ability to take on neglected roles or fill gaps by acting as an initiator, critic, collaborator, idea generator, recorder, conflict manager, or follow-through leader greatly increases the power of relevancy.

Power is also achieved by occupying central positions in important networks. The power is found in the ability to steer and redirect the flow of critical information to the right places at the right time. The power of the purse is well-known by most but less understand the positional power of being where the money is coming into the organization (through production, sales, and marketing, etc.) instead of where it's going out (such as legal, personnel and public relations). The more there is direct involvement in new and critical corporate initiatives, the greater power grows.

Power also grows from having the discretion or freedom to exercise judgment on the job. Having autonomy to contribute to important people or crucial projects also increases power. Visibly pursuing the company's interests first, adds to power as well. The more excellent the recognized performance the greater the accrual. Growing visibility is useful if it is interpreted as dedication and not as self-serving.

"The very behaviors that distinguish leaders from managers also have the potential to produce problematic or even disastrous outcomes for their organizations". Power generated from strategic vision, communication and impression-management skills, and general management practices can have negative outcomes. Followers are drawn by their leader's ability to foresee market opportunities and craft organizational strategies that capture these opportunities in ways that are personally meaningful to employees. Disaster results when the leader's vision is so passionate that the leader becomes blind or unable to see both problems and opportunities in the environment clearly. Often times self-aggrandizing ego is the problem, but more often it is the very energy and determination of the leader that:

  • handicaps realistic assessment of the environment
  • underestimates resources required
  • blunts sensitivity to constituents' needs

Sometimes, in their passion, leaders begin to substitute personal goals for what should be shared organizational goals, and calamity follows.

The leadership art of using authority effectively comes in knowing when directive behavior is necessary to confront duplicity, to chasten arrogance, and to combat mediocrity. However, the art also comes in knowing when overly directive behavior, the raw use of authority, may impede initiative, diminish responsibility, and damage self-respect and self-reliance.

There is an art to using power and authority. Such power goes beyond the authority of position which is received as a result of appointment. There are seven other basic ways to increase personal power and the ability to influence:

  • through competence by virtue of expertise
  • by character through personal integrity
  • by personality and style through treating colleagues and clients with dignity and civility
  • through alliance by virtue of shared conviction
  • through leverage by threat to another's welfare and self-interest
  • by persistence through the virtue of determination

People are rarely powerless. What is lacking is the will to use power. All authority is eventually lodged in the consent of those governed - - leaders have only the power that followers give. Understanding the know-how of power is fundamental to leader artistry and effectiveness.

Inter-dependent Power

There is a power system characterized by interdependence rather than dependence. It has an implicit exchange relationship between followers and leader. The leader is nothing more nor less than the functionary of the many he leads. The leader depends just as much on the will of the many he embodies as the many depend on the leader. "All that you are, you are through me; all that I am, I am through you alone".

The problem comes when the many become lazy, indifferent, self-centered, and antagonistic - - or even hostile - - in attitudes toward leadership. In such an environment the many follow incompetent (or evil) leaders even when their own perceptions tell them that this practice is going to bring about organizational ruin and possibly personal disaster. There is always a price to pay for condoning such leadership with silence.

Such avoidance behavior denies personal experience and beliefs. In such a system the relationship between leader and followers, in which ideally followers come first, can be turned on its head. The leader uses power, not to protect and advance the interest of followers, but to control and dominate (as well as possibly intimidate and threaten) those who follow him.

Many organizations provide the leader with too much control has power, authority, and influence in a way that is inequitably distributed. Followers become afraid to speak to the truth of such power. Their earlier behavior in giving their power away turns such a totalitarian type of governance into a system of fear and oppression. The implicit exchange relationship between leader and follower, in which one would not exist without the other, was the basis upon which both Stalin and Hitler came to absolute power and control. The type of governance by such tyrants, at times, differs from some types of hierarchal business governance only by a matter of degree. Theory X attitudes that see people as fundamentally lazy, acquiescent, and motivated only by near-term, direct rewards would predominate in this type of structure.

Volitional Power

The best way to build effective organizational governance and commitment is through followers, from the bottom-up. They say that the most powerful force of human behavior is willpower. Engaging or activating willpower or volition is not easy. Volition goes beyond mere motivation; motivation is a desire to do something - - volition is an absolute commitment to achieve something.

Personal power is gained by influencing others to move beyond motivation by helping them marshal their own willpower in committing to purposeful action. Volition attaches deep personal intention. It goes beyond enjoyment and reward and crosses over to energetic determination to bring about highly meaningful change or achievement.

Unlike motivation which crumbles at negative feedback, resistance, or lack of approval from above, volition is inspired by obstacles. For those with volition abandoning their mission is not an option. Volition is created when intellect and emotion merge to create commitment to relentless action. Doubts are cast away - - bridges burned. External motivation gives way to internal vision and will.

Moving to volition is a process. Initially, attention is unfocused, perceptions are undirected, and judgments are unbiased. Gradually a focus is acquired that precedes the leap to commitment. The individual goes through inner consensus building that resolves anxieties as well as conflicting feelings and doubts. As concerns are faced one by one, later hesitation about such matters disappears. After a long process of internal battles, the volitional individual arrives at a deep commitment.

Willpower's hallmarks are unequivocal determination and the apparently unreasonable belief in success, which help people accomplish feats that others would find impossible.

Distraction gives way to purposeful action. Intentions are consciously protected. Corporate or societal sirens are relegated to the proper place. New doubts, obstacles, and pressure bring about a refocusing by pondering original purpose and reaffirming its value. The volitional recall the original promise they made to themselves when they made their commitment. Thought processes are disciplined and display positive energy that defends the volitional against negative emotions, converting adversities into inspiration. Self-confidence and courage emerges in overcoming obstacles and negative feedback. "Engaging willpower is a personal, almost intimate, process that cannot be triggered merely through rewards".

Personal power grows as others are enlisted to achieve the purpose. Five strategies to help others overcome personal barriers to move into personal meaningful purposeful action:

  • Help people visualize their intention - - vague goals are made concrete by transforming ideas into concrete intentions as vivid pictures of the goal activates emotions and protect intention; vivid pictures of something "really big" simplify long-term goals and make them tangible and liberating
  • Encourage people to confront their ambivalence - - discourage halfhearted acquiescence by helping them hear what their guts says even if it means pushing them to their personal limits; this is not self-sacrifice but resonating introspection: "engagement of willpower involves the intellectual dimension coming together with the emotional one to create an intention richer than a purely rational goal"
  • Prepare people for obstacles - - instead of downplaying obstacles and highlighting benefits, do the opposite to foster deep commitment that goes far beyond the superficial - - examine both gains and risks, personal advantages and disadvantages
  • Help people to see and exploit choices - - attractive opportunities are the raw materials for intention formation; choosing freely is critical and that freedom demands the ability to identify opportunities while shedding the weight of what "should be done" through force of habit… identification and pursuit of what they "would love to do" becomes the challenge
  • Build in "stopping rules" - - the down side of willpower is that it blinds the volitional and hampers disengagement; stopping rules, defined before commitment, are needed to counteract the pathologies of willpower: either social stopping-mechanisms or predefined critical events can be established as stop triggers.

Personal power increases as others are empowered. Helping others develops individual persistence through energized deep personal commitment and willpower; it is the best way to build an organization from the bottom-up. Building a bias for action comes from organizational power restructuring and developing frontline entrepreneurship.

"The more power you give away, the more you have". We can develop our personal power through:

  • dedication - - the application of extra effort at the right time and place, especially to relieve others of tasks that are worrisome or distasteful
  • expertise - - the essence of corporate strategic advantage
  • positive imaging - - framing perceptions to create memorable impressions of ego-less confidence and personal capability

"In a jazz quartet every player is a genius as each adapts to the other. The out-of-control ego can't do this because it refuses to cooperate". Developing personal power is a matter of establishing identities within clusters of people with shared interests. The power comes from being wired-in to critical knowledge clusters and being where corporate meaning and purpose might emerge.

Personal power comes from the ability to cross synthesize disparate areas of knowledge to arrive at concepts, individually and jointly, needed to solve the complex problems of today's intricate businesses. Conceptualizing is the prime leadership talent.

Servant Leadership

Robert Greenleaf coined the phrase "servant leader". He says the servant leader concept is critical if we are to heal the wounds of our institutions. Our society is dominated by large institutions that do not service us well. Our experience with the cold hearted nature of bureaucratic machinery unnerves and jades us; some of us even become cynical.

The holders of power in our great institutions are suspect and too often corrupt. The manifestation of the nature of our most important institutions strips us of hope. Hope is absolutely essential to sanity and wholeness of life. Institutional reform can only come through servant leadership inspiring hope. Legitimate power is the ethical imperative to restore institutions to their intended purpose.

Rightly used, authority and power helps us to become healthier, wiser, freer, and more autonomous. The test of leadership and administration is found in the question "do those served grow as persons?"

The most telling question is "what is the effect on the least privileged in the institution (or society)?"
Inspiration and insight need to be accompanied by courage. The initiative of using moral authority means taking the risk of failure along with the chance of success as we say "I will go; come with me!" .

As leaders our path is uncertain and even dangerous. In our vision we move towards a challenge that we can never really achieve - - the dream is larger than our life. A community must be built (or created) to help us approach such a vision. Legitimate power passionately communicates faith in the worthiness of the purpose as it arouses and ignites the spirit of those people who choose to be led in pursuit of the vision. The strength of the vision is seen in its healing power. "The first order of business is to build a group of people who... grow taller and become healthier, stronger, more autonomous".

Coercive power has been used to dominate and manipulate people. Some coercive power is overt and brutal but more often it is covert and subtle. Illegitimate power is often insidious and hard to detect. Coercive power strengthens resistance to it. Its controlling effect lasts only as long as its force is strong.

Servant leaders use the power of persuasion and example to create opportunity and alternatives so that individuals may choose and build autonomy. Legitimate authority in the form of persuasion can be seen as alive and organic because its acceptance is voluntary, empowering, growth oriented and fully human.

Because servant leaders are dependable and trusted they are functionally superior - - closer to the ground in their hearing, seeing and knowing - - their resulting intuitive insight is exceptional. "They have power to hurt and will do none...." Umberto Eco (see Article 300 Leadership Best Practices - Widely Admired & Spectacularly Unsuccessful) may have come closer than we think to legitimacy - - regardless of what we think of the relativism of truth and fidelity.

Authentic Inspiration

Inspiring leaders capture hearts, minds and souls. Can we excite others through our vision? Obviously inspirational leaders characterize vision, and energy, authority, and strategic direction. What is less known is that they also act with vulnerability by revealing their weaknesses, relying on intuition, managing with tough empathy and revealing their crucial differences. With vulnerability comes authenticity. We do not follow the mechanical personalities; we walk with and follow those who have but a little more courage than we can muster.

What we need to ask ourselves is "why would anyone want to be led by me?" The very question reaches inside to test our humility; and, so it should. Let us ask ourselves:

  • How approachable and humane are we?
  • Is our judgment and intuition well developed - - to plot an appropriately timed course of action?
  • Do we intensely care about those who would follow us?
  • Are we empathetic in both a passionate and realistic manner?
  • Are we able to clearly perceive the unique differences in talent and personality that are essential for teamwork?
  • What is it that we do to capture a mind, a heart or even a soul?
  • Do they trust us with their destiny?
  • Do we trust ourselves with an unselfish morality?

In our youth most of us carried rosy ideals, stemming from a belief in progress and science, as well as an optimism in the eventual perfectibility of society. Eventually we came to see the limits of reason and the downside of rationality without morality. Exposure to the great institutions and bureaucracies that we are forced through brought about the stark reality of society's capacity to debilitate and dehumanize people. Our deep disappointments have kept us on watch for charismatic heroes to rescue us from the machinery of our civilized society. Yet we have always kept our guard up lest our Yoda turn out to be Hitler, Stalin, or Mao Tse-Tung.

Leadership is about more than identifying and acquiring a unique set of the right traits. Leadership is about more than having a special personality style. It is more than the skill that fosters participation, affiliation, democracy and fairness, or more than the driving toughness to bring out the best in people to do battle. Leadership is more than the practical intelligence to sort out complexity in problematic situations. These elements of leadership do not make us leaders even though they make us effective.

One research study spanning 25 years of dedicated study of thousands of executives demonstrates that inspiring transformational leadership is built on the foundation of authenticity. From the vast body of leadership theory, it isolated what is now considered the four essential qualities of a leader. Authenticity is demonstrated in

  • revealing our weaknesses
  • becoming a sensor
  • practicing tough empathy
  • daring to be different

There is an interplay between these four qualities that allow us to lead by being our self.

Revealing Our Weaknesses

Our colleagues, peers, reports, and bosses want to see who we are - - warts and all. They will be reluctant to follow us, and most importantly, trust us, if we appear as a flawless mystery not possessing the same smelly flesh and blood that limits us all.

Communicating defects and weaknesses does more than create collaboration and trust - - it builds solidarity between followers and leaders. Displaying frailty and shortcomings takes a courage that we both admire and appreciate. Genuineness is safely reciprocated allowing followers to also be vulnerable and open. Caution is discarded for approachability.

Exposing a weakness also has the advantage that others do not need to invent weaknesses for us. Human nature being what it is leads us to talk about those whom we might follow. Unveiling weaknesses protects us from the danger of false gossip and instead endears us to those who come to know us.

Nonetheless we must be careful. Knowing which weakness to disclose is a highly honed art form. "The Golden rule is never to expose a weakness that will be seen as a fatal flaw". Certain flaws jeopardize us as professionals - - if centered on they would destroy our credibility.

We need the courage to live alone with the limitations of our professional abilities. There are times when - - like a parent towards a child - - we withhold our personal inadequacies out of respect and concern for our followers. Sometimes, self-disclosure causes disillusionment or disrespect for our office.

Helpful is the concept of the two sides of a coin. The flip side of our strengths is the corresponding weaknesses. (The strength of being a workaholic also has its downside.) When we reveal the flip side of our strengths, our coworkers will watch our backs.

Above all our revelations must be genuine, not self-excusing. We have to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for them. Shrugging off or covering up that which we own will alienate people from us.

Becoming a Sensor

We cannot lead without good social sense. The soft skills of effective relationships need to be learned. We need to develop our instincts to know when to reveal a weakness or a difference. Reading subtle cues, nonverbal incongruencies, and underlying currents of opinion, as well as perceiving and gauging unexpressed feelings is the essence of being a sensor.

Effective networking often provides the necessary context to accurately read what is truly going on. Authentic followers want their leaders to understand the situational dynamics and feelings for which it is hard to find words or expression. At the same time, leaders need to guard against projecting into a situation what may be an errant judgment.

Sensitivity and good listening skills are crucial for leadership but our assumptions, overconfidence or arrogance are devastating to relationships. The sensing capability must be framed by reality testing. Perceptions must be validated in unobtrusive and appropriate ways. Questioning and sharing, openly or confidentially depending on the situation, works as a sensor filter.

Practicing Tough Empathy (Caring Deeply)

Leadership is about closing the distance between our followers and ourselves. We need to know how to enter the world of our followers. We are only able to enter their world with a special pass. That pass is given when we demonstrate we care as we appreciate our followers' norms, values, and distinctiveness. We do not learn how to show caring by going to a seminar.

There's nothing worse than seeing a manager return from the latest interpersonal-skills training program with "concern" for others. Real leaders don't need a training program to convince their employees that they care. Real leaders empathize fiercely with the people they lead. They also care intensely about the work their employees do.... Tough empathy means giving people what they need, not what they want.

This means pushing followers to be the best they can be - - "to grow or go". Leaders practice tough empathy when they balance respect for the individual with the task at hand. This means giving selflessly to followers and colleagues and also knowing when to pull back. Tough empathy is not easy because it means caring with detachment.

Caring is anything but effortless because when we care it is tough to be tough. Also required of us is to take risks based on the followers we believe in. And, we have to make difficult decisions including firing some employees. The way we have our followers with us is when we really care deeply about something. We show our true selves when we care that much. When our followers know what we care about and who we care about they will stand with us in our thorny decisions. No one will follow us when we merely live up to our obligations. The attraction is our simultaneous passion about our people and our work.

Dare to Be Different

We are inspirational when we capitalize on what's unique about our self. The essence of our leadership comes from using our unique differences to great advantage.

Our differences help us keep a social distance. Even as we draw our followers close to us, we need to signal our separateness. We distinguish ourselves through imagination, loyalty, expertise, and other crucial qualities such as adventurousness and entrepreneurship.

Also important is our "presence", our handshake, and our distinct style of dress. Our more subtle differences often have the most powerful effect. We need to communicate what's unique about us so that our followers become fully aware of what sets us apart. We also learn to share our emotions to evoke reactions in our followers.

We inspire when we use separateness to motivate our followers to perform better. Followers often push themselves when they see us, as their leader, acting in somewhat of an aloof manner. We need to understand that leadership is not a popularity contest.

However, we can also over-differentiate our self in a way that we lose contact with our followers - - this is fatal. Further, if we create too much distance, we stop being good sensors and in so doing we lose our ability to identify and care. Overly expressing a characteristic such as perhaps our daunting intelligence can lead our followers to see as not as helpfully brilliant but as arrogant and self-aggrandizing.

Pain and Healing

One of the most difficult but most important jobs of a leader is to serve by pushing followers to stretch beyond their comfort zones. All leaders, directly or indirectly, create pain. We must be careful because pain - - especially emotional pain - - can become toxic when followers respond to that pain in a harmful rather than a healing way.

Bill Parcells, the famous football coach, said even the most talented people can get into a habit of corporate performance, and to break that habit we need to "get into people's faces". He states the most fundamental lesson about leadership is that we have to be fully honest with people - - brutally honest in fact. Face-to-face we need to tell them the truth about their performance.

Such frank one-on-one conversations is essential to providing support and reestablishing the road to success. We all have hidden strengths and hidden weaknesses that we need to know about. Leadership is about getting those obstacles out of the way so people can change. Yet such confrontation is a very intense, a very emotional pressure. Often we have to be very blunt to get a strong reaction and genuinely reach our followers. Parcells stated:

The only way to change people is to tell them in the clearest possible terms what they're doing wrong. And if they don't want to listen, they don't belong on the team.... even in confronting players about their weaknesses, I'm always trying to build a culture of success.

As leaders we must pay attention to the distress around us. It is far too easy for us to be caught up going too fast in the urgency and passion of our mission and vision. If we do not keep a watchful eye on our followers we will miss both the distress and the "healing moments" that make such a vital difference. Pressure can interfere with our ability to focus on other people's emotions - - particularly after a long and busy day. At all times we need to have the patience for the emotional side of life.

Leaders who pay attention to toxic pain become aware of unfolding situations by being alert to the presence and signals of others around them and by being open minded and openhearted, rather than prejudiced or defensive, to emotional day-to-day experience. Being open minded enables leaders to discover workable responses to a situation. Being open-hearted encourages compassionate and caring behavior. Troubled employees don't always present the real source or depth of their pain to their leaders. Nor do they signal clearly that they are suffering in some way. Those who engage in leadership can be assured that in most situations involving people, there will be grief somewhere.... The task for the leaders to look for cues and symptoms of pain - - and respond to that distress with empathy, not judgment.

As leaders we need to strike a tricky balance between detachment from the pain of our followers and an excessive emotional involvement with their difficulties. The relationship between leaders and followers is complex involving a wide range of emotions from admiration and respect, to anger, fear and distrust.

Our judgment can become clouded by over-identifying with the sufferer. We need to develop a "professional intimacy" by acting from both heart and intellect as we keep everyone's best interest in mind. What is most important in maintaining professional intimacy is keeping a flow of communication open.

Handling pain is something that leaders need to anticipate. When change is rapid or when brutal reality must be confronted, toxin handlers must have their antenna up. Thoughtful planning for follower's healing needs to be built-in to the organization's campaign and processes.

Pain nearly always accompanies major organizational initiatives. As we work to make our organizations more humane, we need to understand that it takes time, patience, and sustained effort to address the root causes of toxic pain within an organization. And, leaders sometimes need to push back on the sources of pain to eliminate their effects. Handling hurt is the "hidden work of leaders" - - it is a most critical part of long-term success.

Enriching Sacrifice

The most fundamental sacrifice to make is a change in attitude. It is the mental change from focusing on "me" to focusing on "us". It means dealing with our own selfishness and personal agenda - - taking ourselves out of isolation. Blaming is replaced with personal responsibility. Constructive sacrifice means giving up being defensive and instead learning to communicate more constructively. Such leadership means dealing with one another directly and honestly. Subordinating self is the sacrifice necessary to build followers.

Personal sacrifice is a necessary part of leadership. Leaders put ideals and relationships ahead of personal gain. The price to be paid for leadership is sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is the ultimate source of loyalty, authenticity, credibility, and heart. Sacrifice defines our center of gravity. George Bernard Shaw wrote:

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. And I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

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